


Pearl of Sadness

by Agua



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:41:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22949497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agua/pseuds/Agua
Summary: Kagami didn't think she'd get heartbreak. Not so soon. Not like this. Yet she has. And over a girl no less. Can you fall in love as fast as Kagami does? And what does it take to get over your first real love?Marinette expected to get heartbroken, after so many long months of loving Adrien without knowing how he felt about her. But she thought heartbreak would be lonely, not warm, and certainly not confusing.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug/Kagami Tsurugi
Kudos: 37





	1. Chapter 1

Tears rolled down heavily on the girl's cheeks, but from where Marinette was standing she couldn't see a thing. And Kagami didn't want her too. Crying was her own treasure, her own pearl of weakness. Mother had never allowed her to cry and so every tear was precious. Everyday she had to calculate how many she would allow to fall and today, there were too many to count. Kagami let them flow next to her red skirt, dripping on her ankles, rolling down her sleeves, as a wet gurgle broke from her mind and she found herself sobbing heavily. She hadn't expected to be out of breath but here she was, over a girl, over someone she'd never expected -- over Marinette, the girl with the earrings and the pink shirt, the girl who made designs for the gods and who spoke with a high-pitched voice full of kindness. Like wind she'd swept her away, and as all winds do it fell down again, and Kagami was riding the train-ride home once more, and she'd never expected to fall this hard out of love but she was. And it broke her heart into pieces.

Marinette hadn't expected it. Marinette hadn't known. If she had, perhaps things would have gone differently. Maybe she'd have said yes, but most likely she'd have run off anyways. And that's what broke her heart more: the thought of imagining her off having fun with her new boyfriend Adrien, without a sight, without a look back at what she'd forgotten. Kagami thought Marinette was the sentimental one, but Kagami was the most of them. And for every time she imagined her with her back turned, another tear fell down to be counted. She could almost remember all the curves of Marinette's back now. It was all the well too imprinted in her mind.

Maybe Marinette was immortal. In Kagami's mind, she was. Never changing, never moving. No point in turning her around if she wanted something else. There was always something off with Marinette, something that made you look twice. But that had never been enough for Kagami to look down, far from that. She thought she could make it work. Between fence fights and winning arguments she thought she could do it. Between eveyrthing that happened she thought she could do it. And she could stay by her side forever.

But she wasn't. Kagami had been wrong. She's shot in the dark and her whole world had fallen. Marinette wasn't here anymore. And Kagami only had herself to blame. Winter would be cold this year, cold and empty without Marinette's warmth to help her.

Maybe she'd have someone else to light the candle for her. Show her the way to the light again. But they wouldn't be Marinette. And without Marinette, what would it matter? Who could be anything more than who Marinette was? There wasn't a point in dreaming, or thinking, or worrying about it. Kagami was better alone.

She wouldn't have a girlfriend or even a friend again and that was okay. Maybe she didn't need one. Maybe she just needed time, and patience. Everything would be ice-cold again. And she wouldn't care anymore. But at what price? Marinette was her everything, and now she was away. 

When Adrien had rejected her, Marinette had run off into warm, dark hands to comfort her. Kagami had been at her side, but it was Chat who had changed her. And Marinette only ever looked at him. Now they couldn't be changed. Like sun and moon, everlasting night, nothing they did ever would be changing. They were immortal, unchanging, immovable. They wouldn't stop loving each other and Kagami had failed. Kagami wanted Marinette more than she wanted blood to pump in her veins. She'd wanted her whole and pure she'd wanted her touch by the fireside and her hand for a dance and her laugh and her tears. She'd wanted to cherish every second of her just like she counted every tear that fell. But that was wrong. Mother said feelings for a girl were wrong, and this was punishment. Marinette would never look at her again.

Deep down she'd just wanted a friend. But Marinette was gone, and with her, all hopes of any spring were gone. Marinette was her best friend, her favorite person in the world, and there would never be anyone like her again. But just like spring never comes back, or how mother never looked at her after a slap in the face, nothing that was broken ever changed again. Marinette was broken off from her. Everything was wrong.

Kagami looked down at her hands, and they were full of tears. She cried again until her limbs were red from scratching and hurting until something came out. And then she felt a hand on her shoulder. Not a hand, but a voice. A presence. A beacon. A light. Her light?

"Marinette?"

"It's okay. I'm here. You don't need to go through this alone."

She'd expected Marinette but the words sounded older. A young woman was before her. Young and beautiful and curvy and muscular -- dressed in red and black. A lady of power and adventure. More soft-looking than ever before, standing on her knees, looking like she was about to cry herself -- Ladybug, superhero of Paris, bending down before her like an equal.

"I'm sorry you're going through this. You don't need to. It'll be fair soon. It'll get better for you."

"But what's even the point? Marinette left me. What's the point of any of this anymore?"

"Marinette..." said Ladybug, stricken. Then she continued, and rose petals were in her breath, soft and present, soothing like the tea Father did when he lived with them: "Marinette is closer than you think."

"What's the point anymore? What do I do?" wailed Kagami, feeling her eyes clench up painfully as she screamed like a pained child.

Ladybug put a hand on her shoulder. Her hand was warm, and so very red.

"You'd come with me, and we'll get you soothed again. Soon, Kagami, you'll live again. I promise."

Kagami sniffed and accepted her hand. She felt weak, but Ladybug felt strong and her grip made her feel more alive somehow.

"Why would you do this for me? Who are you to me to care about this?"

"I'm a friend. And friends don't leave others to cry on their own," Ladybug said with a smile.

Then Kagami smiled. This woman... she liked her. And maybe there were others like her. Someday.


	2. Chapter 2

Tears rolled down Marinette's cheeks but they were of happiness. They weren't supposed to be there of course, but for once she'd found someone who listened. He wasn't supposed to be there, of course, or to listen. But he was there. Kagami was there, too. But Kagami and her was forbidden territory. Whereas Chat Noir's dark claws were hidden from nobody, nor could she see anything else but bright sunshine whenever she looked at him. She accepted his arms and he jumped off into the distance, and she didn't listen to Kagami's panicked cries behind her. She just wanted to be free. Free from all this torment. Free from Kagami, and anyone who would make her feel like she still was a schoolgirl tonight. She didn't want anything but the cool night wind in her hair, and Chat's arms around her, the feeling of cool spandex on her arm, and the sound of his voice telling her to explain what was wrong.

And she told him. Oh how she messed up. Adrien had been her friend. Adrien and her had loved each other for a long time. But he'd never been able to see under the mask, and she'd never seized him. Something hadn't clicked. And they broke up. Shortly and cruelly, before anything could be changed, she was off in the afternoon shadows, wiping her tears on her sleeve. And she'd run and run and run before her steps had taken her somewhere safe, somewhere sheltered. Wide shadows and soft words. Kagami's house.

She hadn't rang because there was fresh juice on the windowsill and Kagami was already in the garden, holding a spear, and with her sharp arms and her toothed smile she'd asked her to join her in a game of fencing. But the baton had made a sharper sound than any botte or thrust she could have made, and suddenly Kagami was at her side, and she was muffling her cries with her jacket and her hand was on her shoulder. And somehow Kagami was crying too, and her jacket was oh so cold. And Marinette wanted to cry more if that was possible. She felt happy her friend understood. And suddenly she'd wanted to kiss her. Share a memory with her.

And she'd stood on her tiptoes and stared but the wind had been quicker and suddenly she'd been thrown a baton and a cup and she was asked to parry. Marinette had reacted quicker than she'd expected, but she hadn't expected her quick dodge to be so unexpected that Kagami had fallen, and she'd splattered on the grass and Marinette's laugh had rung, clear and joyous as summer bells. It had been like a signal to the neighborhood to be merry, and somehow people started walking down the streets, happy and more plentiful than she'd ever seen in those streets before. And as she saw that Kagami had thought, "this girl is a goddess". And perhaps she hadn't been wrong, but Marinette never wanted her to see that side of her.

The ruthless side she had. The side who hurled insults and weapons at innocent people. The side who didn't hesitate to take or give a blow, or to shield something with her body. The side who wouldn't give up fighting for anything in the world. The side who wanted justice only, for the world and her, the side who wanted to kiss people fiercely under the French flag and let people die mad about it. The part that would fight and punch for her ideals. That was her, and it was she. Ladybug was a symbol of peace but oh when was peace ever obtained by soft means? Marinette was a fox in a dog's clothing, she wasn't as she looked, she wasn't predictable, and Kagami didn't deserve that.

Adrien didn't know. It was probably why he broke up. And Marinette didn't want to do that a second time. So she'd done whatever she could. Chat Noir was warm in her arms and she knew wherever he'd take her she'd happily hold his hand and follow. Anything he'd say would be welcomed. Today Chat Noir was an ally, a friend, a comrade. Marinette didn't know friends could count as much until now, but tonight she was ready to hear anything he'd have to say.

She held his hand and he held it close to his chest. He kissed it softly, and his eyes met hers. Marinette didn't cringe but she didn't move either. She just felt warm. Her brother, she thought. Perhaps more, perhaps less. But she loved him dearly.

Then he'd kissed her, and Marinette had forgotten all about the world. How anything could ever had been wrong before, she'd wondered. She was being kissed by her partner. How could this be wrong? But still, something didn't feel right. He tasted like warm food and soft meals by the fire, warm and smolding and melting in her arms. How could she not succomb? But there was something in her that longed for something else. Shrimp and snow and the taste of soft tea in the morning. Kagami, she'd thought, but Papa would have said she must be wrong. Girls didn't catch feelings for their best friends, of course. That was ridiculous. Why would she say that?

And of course Kagami would agree with that. Kagami, unlike Marinette, wasn't a complete buffoon. Kagami followed the rules. Kagami had a place in the world.

"Without me," Marinette thought, and she felt herself rest against Chat's chest. It moved up and down, and she didn't like to think of it as a romantic gesture but more of an intimate gesture between friends, and she held his hand and sighed. It was soft out today. The air was hot. Dusk was golden and dusty, and the shadows were warm. Everything pointed towards the warm embrace of friendship.

Why did she not want this? Why would she long for pine-scent and black hair and anything when it was all wrong, it was all so wrong and not allowed and nobody would ever agree?

"I'm not supposed to be happy like this," Marinette murmured against Chat's still-beating chest. "I didn't think I'd ever be."

"Where does your heart take you, Princess? Wherever it leads you, people will follow you."

She swallowed bitter words and looked up at the sky. Chat reluctantly let her go so she could stare at the lilac clouds that banished fushia trails of dust from the sky.

"I don't know. I've never felt -- love," she finished with a ball in her throat as she thought of one word. "Is there something wrong with me?"

Chat looked taken aback but he brushed a strand of hair from her cheek and stayed quiet. His eyes burned with love.

"I never thought I could feel like this," he answered in her place. "But the heart takes us to unexpected places very often. You must listen to it. it'll take you to, well, what do I know? But where it leads might be fun to figure out."

"I want to run around on the roofs all night long," Marinette confessed with a smile.

Chat Noir curtsied and his tail curled in interrogation. She held to his waist and he bounced away. Everything was golden around them and Marinette finally felt good.

And Kagami? Marinette convinced herself it had meant nothing. Just a passing emotion. It's come back or it'd leave. But... It didn't mean anything.


End file.
